It really puts things into perspective when my ex bf from over 3 years ago that moved over 500 miles away from me is willing to help me and be here for me, more than some of my “close” friends, through all this heart breaking stuff with my mom.
This is all just so painful.
Right now I am sitting with my mom. She is resting so now I am able to show emotion.
So, here’s the story of what I’m dealing with….
I guess it all started quite a few months ago. It could’ve even been nearly 6 months or so…I have really lost any concept of time with this.
My mom lives in southern Florida and I live in Upper Michigan so I usually only see her once a year, therefore, Im not able to notice when something is wrong with her. For quite awhile she had complaining to me about abdominal pain, bloating, and various other problems. I would beg her to go to the hospital but she would never go. After about 3 months and worsening symptoms she finally gave in and went to the emergency room. While she was there, she had told me that the doctors she was dealing with were “quacks” and “had no clue what they were talking about.” She told me that one doctor came in and told her she had cancer, another doctor told her she had gallstones, and nurses told her many other different things. She said she didn’t know what to believe and assured me that she was probably just constipated really bad. She claimed to have appointments with doctors in another city since she didn’t want to deal with these ones.
After several more months had passed, she had told me her symptoms were getting even worse. I begged her to go back to the doctor, and she wouldn’t agree to. She would tell me she has the other appointments to go to and she would figure everything out at those.
Eventually, my sister received a call from my moms friend in FL and she told her that my mom was in bad shape and that she wouldn’t listen to anyone down there when they tell her to go to the doctor. Basically she told my sister everything I already knew, so I really didn’t think much more of the call, except to continue begging my mom to get help.
Last Friday I was laying in bed watching tv one afternoon when my grandma got a phone call.
She was talking really loud so I could hear bits and pieces of her conversation. I heard “wait, what did you say your name was? Jody, right?” Hearing the name alarmed me because that was my moms friends name. I ran out of my room and tried to piece together their conversation, only being able to hear one side.
I won’t go into what they said, but i learned that my mom never went to her doctors appointments. My grandma had me book her a plane ticket and she left the next day.
When my grandma arrived in FL and saw my mom, I finally had answers. End stage liver failure. Again, I’m not going to go into everything about it, but there are several other complications with it. So, this is what’s been causing her pain.
I learned that my mom has to make end of life decisions and we have prepare because they only way this can be fixed is a liver transplant, which isn’t an option for her :( basically the only thing we can do is keep her comfortable.
Today my grandma flew back from FL and brought my mom home with her. Seeing her is heartbreaking. Her stomach is the size of a woman pregnant with triplets, her skin is tinted yellow, her body is shrunk to nothing, she can barely walk, her voice is weak, and her personality is different, along with so much more. She doesn’t even seem like my mom. The only thing she can do is lay in bed. She will get up to use the bathroom but it causes her intense pain. I have to help her back into bed and help her position herself. She is always nauseous, and it gets worse after she eats.
I can tell she is trying to put on a little bit of a better attitude when I’m in the room, but when I look in the mirror to see her when I’m leaving, that looks leaves her face and all I see is pain in her eyes and expressions.
It just all hurts so bad :(
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.
Do I haveeee to go to work today?….
At least these are my last four days, then I start training at my new job on Sunday!
its official, have a total obsession with skulls.
I’ve been ordering everything skull related, looking for everything with skulls, and just loving everything skulls.
Wow, this is the first time I’ve been on here in like….forever. Oops!
Definitely need to make more time for this!
Had THE most fucked up dream last night
Hartnell from the Flyers was a member of Slipknot and for some reason Slipknot was hanging out at my house. Hartnell was drilling a hole in someone’s leg with a power drill and I said something dumb so he chased me and tried to drill a hole in my leg. What. The. Fuck…..
Did my own acrylics #nofilter #mynails #personal (Taken with Instagram)
My dad just found my old Girl Scout vest…and it still had some of my patches on it! :) #nostalgia #personal #instagram (Taken with instagram)